You meet a friend for dinner. They’re going through a breakup, so you listen, offer advice and lend a shoulder to cry on. At the end of the night, your friend hugs you and says, “I feel so much better.” And you? You feel like you need to go home and lie face down on the couch for a while.
Most likely, you just healed your friend. You took on some of what they were carrying so they didn’t have to. And you didn’t even know you were doing it.
We Exchange Energy All Day Long
People exchange energy all day long, with partners, kids, coworkers, the person behind them in line at the grocery store. When you’re in a relationship with someone, you’re trading emotions, opinions and judgments back and forth, usually without noticing.
Sometimes that exchange is an unconscious healing. You take on someone’s energy to help them feel better, and they really do feel better. You just end up carrying it. Other times, you’re in resistance, and it sticks to you anyway. (Whatever you resist, persists. Annoying, but true.)
That’s different from energy healing. Energy healing is an active skill: learning to clear and move energy, for someone else or for yourself, on purpose. It’s something you get better at with practice. What most of us do every day is just healing, unconsciously, and often at our own expense.
Your Own Energy Never Makes You Feel Bad
It sounds obvious, but most people don’t know what their own energy feels like. They think tired, heavy and a little sad is just how life feels. It isn’t.
Your own energy will never make you feel bad about yourself. You have your own emotions, of course. If you lose someone you love, you’re going to be sad. But when you feel bad about yourself, that’s a clue it isn’t your energy.
What It Looks Like
Taking on someone else’s problem
A parent has a problem and they’re in angst about it. Suddenly you’re in angst too, trying to fix it for them at 11 o’clock at night. Most likely, you’re running their energy through you, not your own, to give them a healing.
Giving your own energy away
Sometimes it goes the other direction. It’s your child’s first day of school. They’re buzzing around the house in a nervous jitter while you reassure them everything will be fine. They head out the door, and you suddenly need a nap. What happened? You gave away your own energy so your child felt supported. Very loving. Also very tiring.
Being everyone’s person
If you’re the friend everyone calls, the one who holds the family together, or the one who always notices who’s having a hard day, you’re probably healing all the time. That’s a beautiful thing about you. It just doesn’t have to cost you.
Healing Doesn’t Have to Be Exhausting
Becoming aware of when you’re healing can be life changing all on its own. You start noticing the moment you pick something up, and that alone makes a difference.
Here’s the good news. Most people heal by either giving their energy away or taking someone else’s on. When you learn to heal consciously, you can change that dynamic. You can help someone without taking on what they’re carrying, and instead of walking away depleted, you get to heal yourself at the same time. That’s the whole point. You don’t have to choose between caring about people and feeling like yourself.
Something to Think About
The next time you walk away from someone feeling heavier than when you arrived, pause for a second. Ask yourself, “Was I just healing them?” You might be surprised how often the answer is yes. And if you’re someone who feels other people’s energy this strongly, you might enjoy reading Signs You’re an Empath or What Is Clairsentience?.
Quick Answers
What is energy healing?
Energy healing is the skill of clearing and moving energy, for someone else or for yourself, on purpose. Everyone exchanges energy all day long, and lots of people heal others without realizing it by taking on their energy. Energy healing is learning to do it consciously, without taking it on.
Why do I feel tired after helping people?
Often it’s because you took on their energy or gave yours away. It’s a sign you’re a natural healer, not a sign something’s wrong with you.
If you’d like to learn how to do this for yourself, Clairity School has classes and trainings that can help. Here’s where to start.
